Monday, 18 August 2014
I'm not good at seeing things through. if i don't see results straight away it seems I just give up, thinking I might as well safe myself the time and hassle on something that is never going to be good enough or come to any fruition. it's been 9 months since I've posted on here last, in that time others may have cultivated life, a brand new human being with it's own thoughts and feelings and destiny, I on the other hand have only managed to finish the Breaking Bad series and make some mildly amusing status updates but I'm back and ready to continue (until I forget again)
Wednesday, 18 December 2013
Tuesday, 26 November 2013
I've always eaten cereal and soup with a teaspoon and was unaware, until my house mates joyfully told me that I was a 'weirdo,' that no one else done the same. My whole family have always eaten with little spoons and so I never questioned it. But to see the other's amusement at my little spoon I began to think 'Are we just the anomaly of the cutlery world?' If so I'm proud to be different, do you know how long it takes to eat coco pops or porridge with a little spoon? A while! Which means I can enjoy my food for longer, get full up more easily and never have to wait for other's to leave the kitchen table, as I'm always the last to finish. Teaspoon's, you rock!
Monday, 25 November 2013
So I started my diet around the 1st of July and since then I have lost one and a half stone. (I imagine you are clapping this achievement and to that I bow and say why, thank you, thank you!) However I've noticed that the more weight I've lost the bigger the clothes size I buy. for instance I'm currently wearing size 16 shorts, which I only bought last weekend, and a size 12 jumper, even though I'm currently a size 10. Maybe I'm trying to cover up so no one will tell me to stop losing weight, stop going to the gym and eat more? 3 years a go now I was anorexic, and although I know it's bad for your health and your mental well being, there's a large part of me that want's that body back and the attention it gave me. I know it's bad but I've never believed what others say about my body. The more people said you should eat more or you look very thin the more I didn't believe it and it gave me more determination to lose even more weight, the same goes for when I was overeating, people would say I needed to watch my weight, so I wouldn't and would eat even worse. Now I'm one and a half stone heavier then my absolute lightest weight and I'm both scared and motivated to lose more and get back to it. I know, what a cheery post eh?!
Tuesday, 19 November 2013
I haven't posted on here in over 2 weeks and feel I needed to write something before this becomes another one of my discontinued creative projects. I have god know's how many tumblr, twitter and pintrest accounts all with the promise of a new start, a new project, a new and improved me. I imagine the future of this project, stranger's from around the glob magically find my creative writings or thoughts and will immediately think 'Wow she's funny/talented/cool' delete according to the appropriate version of me.( This one would read poetically self deprecating and funny, just on the right side of pompous) Eventually though, as the page views go down or I get caught up in uni work or the gym or social drama or the newest death in The Game of Thrones I forget about my twitter account and the new and improved version of me. Stuck in a rut of always imagining a better life, laying the first foundations but never letting it be built upon, just hopeful starts, abandoned in the fear of mediocre finishes. (okay, maybe now I'm on the wrong side of pompous)
Monday, 4 November 2013
Today I had an interview for an internship at the local theatre. As the minutes drew closer to the dreaded human evaluation I began to get more and more nervous. I even said 'it's ok, everything's going to be ok' to myself in the mirror (which is how you know when everything is not ok. ) On my way to the theatre I began to panic, I forgot the interviewers name and the tasks I would have to do as part of my internship, so far, so good. I also grossly overestimated how long it would take to get there, so arrived outside the theatre a whole 20 minutes early, and did what any other sane person would do and walked awkwardly around the nearby housing estate to waste some of the precious minutes. The actual interview was not an 'interview' at all, but rather a group meeting with the competitors (as it turned out only three of us bothered to turn up for the three available internships, so unless I shat on the interviewers shoes or wished ill faith to his uncle, I was bound to get one.) All of my earlier apprehension seemed pointless, I almost wish the interviewer had made us complete some hunger games style challenge in order to progress in order to justify my wasted energy.
Sunday, 3 November 2013
Last week I had to admit to a cashier in the Tesco's express that I was alone. to be fair I was buying alcohol and she was checking if I was with the people behind me, but still it felt kind of depressing, especially as the alcohol in question was lambrini. I spend all of my time either sitting/being alone wishing I was with some of my friends or at a party, or being slightly awkward at a party or with some friends wishing I was by myself watching Homeland on 4od. I'm trapped in a slightly vicious cycle! So I've set up this blog, whilst being alone, wishing I was with some friends or at a party. Partly because I want to get things off my chest, mainly because I don't want to buy a diary and who knows maybe I will make some new internet 'friends'